I’m lying here tonight anxiously awaiting Luke’s arrival. I’m trying to think of lessons I want to teach him on how to be a man. Here are a few I’ve come up with. • Treat people kindly, even when they cannot do anything for you. That’s the true measure of a good man. • Look a man in the eye when you shake his hand. Use a firm grip, but don’t try to prove your strength by crushing his hand. It makes you look small. • Honor your word. • Remember the men who carried your last name before you, and do not dishonor them. • It is okay to say no. You do not have to explain why. • Take risks. There has never been a great man who was too scared to do anything daring. Never. • People will tell you who they are through their actions, not their words. Believe them when they do. • Stand for what you believe in, even when it costs. The price of being a coward is much, much higher. • Do not fall into the trap of believing you have reached a point in any area of your life that there is nothing more for you to learn. There always is. • What people think of you matters, but it never matters enough to sacrifice who you are or what you believe in to appease them. • Do not tell people how great you are at anything. Just be great. They will know. • You are responsible for yourself and your family, and no one else is. You are not entitled to anything. • No piles of riches or mountains of gold can fulfill you like the love of a family at home. Work hard to provide for them and give them the things they deserve, but never forget to make time for them, too. • If you become successful, people will make it seem like fate handed it to you. They will sweep under the rug the years of struggle and the gallons of sweat. They will give you convenient labels like “lucky.” They do this because if it is luck and not hard work that made you successful, then it is not their fault that they have not achieved or done as much as you. It is about letting themselves off the hook. But you will never be lucky. If you win at life, it will be because you worked your ass off for it. Do not fall into that self-pitying bear trap of thinking anything more than your own work ethic and ambition has any effect on what you become. Put your nose to the grindstone and get things done.

I love this little girl, my sweet daughter. She is smart, funny, easygoing, and clearly beautiful. I know, without hesitation, I would trade my life for hers. She will grow up knowing I love her, and I will do anything to keep her safe and to provide her with a good, stable life. She will always know she is one of the most important people in my life. But, she will also know she will never be the most important person in my life. Her mother holds that spot. Controversial these days, I know, but hear me out. As fathers, men, we are the standard by which our daughters will judge all other men. In her future relationships, the worthiness of her boyfriends and eventually her husband will be weighed against how I treated her mother. If she learns through our relationship that disrespect and cruelty are normal, she will expect and tolerate it. If from us she learns that respect and kindness and honesty and fairness and loyalty and understanding are what is to be expected, then she will DEMAND it from the man she will one day marry. What better way to teach her how to choose him than to show her through our own relationship that she should be the most important thing in his life? How much more of a service to her is it to prepare her for a life that will hopefully last sixty or seventy years beyond when she leaves home? Many years ago, my childhood pastor, Roy Hill, preached a sermon on this. I couldn’t have been more than thirteen or fourteen years old at the time, but I still remember it. He told us that his children were never allowed to interrupt when he and his wife were showing each other affection. When they sat close together on the couch watching television, their children were not allowed to wiggle between them. When they hugged, the kids were made to wait their turn. I always believed it was a powerful image to project to your children that nothing could come between their dad and mom. It is my belief, men, that the best thing you can do for your daughter is to love her mom and always treat her with respect. Now, I know that life sometimes happens, and moms and dads cannot always stay together. The principals remain, though. You can still make the choice to speak well of her mother, to be respectful of your children’s relationship with her, and not run her down every time you get the chance. I’m sure it’s difficult sometimes, but if you think of it not as speaking well of your ex, but as building a better future for your little girl, maybe it would be easier.